When I woke up on Saturday, I did not feel so good.

This is sort of how I looked.

I drank a bottle of malbec + a few glasses of whatever else I managed to pour into my cup.  It hit me pretty hard I guess because I could barely get out of bed the next morning. My boyfriend and my friend who had crashed on my living room floor were up and ready for breakfast. I was in the fetal position on the floor.  Somehow, I managed to get into the car and we headed for Morty’s Delicatessen on Wisconsin Ave.  My bus goes past this place everyday, but I had never noticed it before. It looks like a hole-in-wall from the outside, but it’s actually a pretty big restaurant.

As we walked in, we noticed a deli counter on our left. Apparently they had all sorts of shit, like cow’s tongues. Thank god I wasn’t really paying attention, otherwise I would thrown up right there on the floor.

Immediately after we were seated, this little lady brought us water. But it wasn’t her promptness that surprised me…it was the fact that she also brought us a bowl of pickles.  The bowl was a mixture of some bright green, new pickles and older, more briny pickles.

We sort of just sat there in shock for a while…who the hell gives you a bowl of pickles??? Even though I felt sick, I grabbed one of the new pickles and took a little bite. It was delicious. Crispy and garlicy.  Maybe five minutes after I tried the pickle, I started feeling better.

Does this person look hung-over? No. This person is me post-pickle.

Our waiter, a badass bro named Sami came over and took our orders…with his arms crossed and hair spiked.  Sami seemed tough…but he really hooked us up. My bf got like..four scrambled eggs…four pieces of toast and home fries for $3.50. This may have been a mistake, but thanks Sami. I had the California fruit salad (pineapple, cantaloupe, honeydew, grapes, strawberries and cottage cheese.) It was…the biggest plate of fresh fruit I have ever seen.  My friend got a mushroom omelette with fries, which according to her was pretty good.

I’d say, Morty’s is a pretty cool place. The food is good and relatively cheap and they give you PICKLES! If you’re hung-over, pickles may sound pretty disgusting, but maybe you should give it a try.

—Kal

I try to stay away from opinion columns in papers for the most part…usually because I’m such an asshole I disagree with everything anyone has an opinion about. But this caught my eye this morning…

Browner is an environmental radical – and a socialist (seriously)

By Examiner Editorial
- 1/8/09

No, it’s not the President-elect, at least not explicitly. Conservatives are often accused of scaremongering when they claim left-wing environmentalists are actually socialists hiding behind green disguises.  But with Carol Browner, incoming President Barack Obama’s freshly appointed Assistant to the President for Energy and Climate Change – the so-called White House “Climate Czar” -  there is no question about the socialism.

Carol Browner: Alleged Socialist

Barak Obama: Alleged browner

Wait…wait…wait. What? Am I reading this correctly or am I just being overly sensitive? Did they REALLY have to clarify that BROWNER didn’t refer to OBAMA? That…seems extremely tasteless and…racist. According to wikipedia, the paper is conservative. I guess that explains the overtly Christian slant I sense while reading the paper but it really doesn’t explain racism.

Looks like I’m never reading this newspaper again. I guess I should have known when the “Why Believe in God?” house-wife campaign against humanism was on the second page. Or maybe when I read that  scientists don’t actually believe in global warming so Obama should stop talking about putting caps on carbon emissions.

—Kal

UPDATE: 1:14pm I called the DC Examiner’s newsroom just to see what they had to say about the column. They are all out to lunch.

At a party in Virginia over the weekend, the three Destroy DCers were asked a very interesting question: “Why is your blog called ‘Destroy DC?’ Do you hate DC?” The two original destroyers responded “No. We meant ‘destroy’ in a good way…like we want to have lots of fun. And we think it sounds cool.” What I think they meant to say was “we want to blow DC’s FUCKING MIND by having such a good time. “

This is not what we meant.

However, after pondering the question for a few days, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am undecided about this city. There are lots of other blogs that have made up their minds, and I have been checking them out to see which side to join.

Haters: why.i.hate.dc, the anti dc(not as hateful as whyihatedc but clearly not pro-DC)

<3ers or general supporters: we love dc, the dcist, brightest young things

And then there is this blog eavesdropdc, which is kind of up in the air for me. They highlight all of the asinine things they overhear in this city from tourists and locals alike. Sometimes, the stupidity of DC people makes me want get the hell out, but then when I read about the crazy homeless guys and gals and idiot mid-westerners, I just have to laugh.

If people from DC are reading this post, please, let me know what you think. What do you dislike about DC? What do you love about it? Would you rather read posts that are filled with hate? Or do you prefer a friendlier blog atmosphere? What DC blogs do you like to read that I did not mention?

I just don’t know where I stand.

-Kal

In the Examiner this morning, there was a rebuttal to the “Why believe in a god?” ads. The focus was on this house wife with three kids who was just so darn mad about the ads, she decided to do something about it! Her and some Christian friends got together, including the Center for Family Development, and are now going to run their own ad campaign! Their ad asks “Why Believe? Because I created you and I love you, for goodness’ sake.” They raised enough good ol’ godly money to pay for four weeks of ads on/in 200 buses.

Is it just me or is this fucking ridiculous?

She's cooking an atheist in that oven.

I was thinking…while I was riding the metro today…there are A LOT of things I find highly offensive. For one, people who smell bad. Since my main mode of transportation happens to be of the public variety, I am forced to sit next to people with non-existent hygiene habits. Sometimes, it is actually so bad it makes me sick. But when it comes down to it, smelly people are just a fact of life.  And I believe there is a group of people that openly support being smelly. They are called hippies. They don’t wear deodorant or wash their hair, and apparently they have ideological reasons for not doing so…toxins…or…corporate America…or some shit.

Come join us. Don't bring shampoo.

If they somehow sold enough knitted ponchos and patchouli candles to pay for a “Why wear deodorant? Your musk is beautiful” ad campaign, I would be like “WTF?” but my reaction would definitely not be to get a group of douche bags together to counter their point with a “Your musk is disgusting. Please get a Speedstick” ad. I may THINK that and suggest it to friends, but I wouldn’t do it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Just because it may go against yours, doesn’t mean you have to be all up in arms about it.

I’m sick of Christians. And hippies, drunks on the bus, and obese people who sweat a lot.

—Kal

As I mentioned yesterday, Christmas is just getting weird. People are dead, my mom is crying, and now…there’s this…

SANTA? Whaaaaaat?

This is the new Santa…oh excuse me CLAUS…according to this stupid phone.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PALM CENTRO?

The commercials are creepy as hell. Claus is…hip and skinny and going to some fucking party or something. And this transformation is a result of him getting a Palm Centro. And he has a facebook page? With over 1,000 “fans?” Who…are these people? Why are they fans of this abomination?

Here is what a few of his “fans” have to say…

“The new Claus is stylin’ & profilin’.. forget about JT.. you’re bringin’ sexy back!”

“The tunes are BAAAAAD ASSSSSSS Santa…keep that shit-a-crackin! I’m gonna listen to it at work and drown out all that old lame Christmas stuff that everyone listens to.”

Badass? Oh you mean awful?

“Claus!!! Long time no see. Hey how’s Mrs. Claus? Is she around or did she kick it, not being quite as immortal as you are? The ladies are wanting to know if you are SIN-Gle!!!! ~ I’m on the Nice List today but it’s oh so much more fun to be Naughty!”

Are these people, like, the actor’s friends, or something? Because I see no other reason to support this guy. But there is even something more amazing happening..CLAUS responds!

“Amy – let’s make that dinette set happen.Just text CLAUS to 242242″

And again here…

“Let’s make it happen Miguel. text me your wish.Just text CLAUS to 242242″

Just for the hell of it, let’s check out some more pictures.

This is a "fan pic." I'm not sure what that means but YIKES.

Another "fan pic"

Is this for real? What if I had children? How am I suppose to explain this shit to them? Is this guy gonna bring presents or some coke and a few hookers down the chimney instead? I JUST DON’T KNOW.

The first LOLCAT ever? You’re welcome.

—Kal

Yesterday I was riding the bus and I noticed this ad:

Is this what Santa really looks like?

When I first saw it, I said to myself “WTF?” Maybe I’m just an idiot but I was confused, mostly because I’ve never seen an ad questioning Christmas/Christianity/organized religion in such a way. But my confusion was cleared up this morning when I picked up a copy of The Examiner.  Front page: RAISING HELL OVER BUS AD-Complaints pour in about atheists’ campaign.

The ads, created by the American Humanist Association, have apparently caused a commotion. People are sending in complaints such as this “That ad is obscene to me! I wouldn’t want my children reading that.”

Also…”May all your atheist buses break down!”

Wow. Harsh.

Christians are probably the most pissed…with one person going as far as to say “This organization is offensive to me and most of the American people…Your acceptance of this advertisement is offensive to me as a Christian and I strongly urge you to take them down.” I didn’t realize that all groups not associated with Christianity are offensive. Huh. Good to know.

The offensiveness has even extended beyond the city. Someone complained and then admitted that they had “never had the privilege to actually visit DC” This is probably due to the fact that FOX  also had an article about the ads.

I just have to say…I LOVE THIS. First of all, I hate what Christmas has become, regardless of religious aspects. Family gatherings have really showed me the ugliness of the holiday.For example,every year, my mom puts A LOT of effort into people’s gifts. She’ll travel any distance, and spend any amount of money to make sure she gets the most thoughtful gifts possible. Then she spends about 12 hours wrapping them to perfection. When presented with these beautiful gifts, a lot of my relatives have been pretty ungrateful. I specifically remember one adult saying “WELL, WHERE IS THE OTHER THING I ASKED FOR?” Also, I remember someone shouting “WHY DIDN’T YOU GET ME THAT, GAIL?”

The car rides home from these functions are usually filled with my mom’s tears.

Did I mention all of my relatives are apparently Christian and attend church on the regular?

 

LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY MOM YOU BASTARDS!

So, basically I just hate the gift-giving process. People ask you what you want, and chances are either a) they will get you something completely unrelated and awful or b) they’ll get you what you asked for and you’ll hate it. Ok…so that is not always true. But honestly, I usually really enjoy just hanging out with my family. They are fun and make great food and that is better than any present. God, I’m cheesy but 100% serious.

To get back to the point,  I agree with what the ad is outwardly saying. Why do you have to believe in a god to do good things/be a good person? But also, why does “the Christmas season” have any impact on this goodness, whatsoever? Shouldn’t you be good all the time?

On a side note, Christians have gone totally bonkers over this whole Christmas thing. The Liberty Counsel put out a “Naughty and Nice” list, urging Christians to boycott companies that don’t say “Merry Christmas.” Even though I love my mom (GAIL, YOU’RE THE BEST!) she’s often told me that she hates it when people say “Happy Holidays.” What about Jews mom? They are God’s chosen people and they don’t celebrate Christmas. WHAT ABOUT THEM? I prefer to celebrate a secular Christmas (sorry mom!) and I will continue to say Happy Holidays. Can’t we all be a little tolerant this HOLIDAY SEASON?

—Kal

Oh yeah, and Christmas already killed someone this year. Oh wait…there’s more. 

I think not. 

In case anyone was wondering, that is why it was deleted.

Kal

Right now, I am in the process of trying to get a post published on Brightest Young Things about my disdain for Whole Foods. But really, I can’t help but love it. First of all, it is right across the street from my home. Second, the cheeses and the olive bar just call to me.

Anyone who was my friend, or even just a classmate in Syracuse knows that I love cheese. For a few months, it was pretty much my only identifiable trait.  I wrote papers about cheese, worked in the cheese department of our amazing grocery store WEGMANS (miss U <3), had a cheese party, researched it…you get the idea. I even read this book. It cost me $20. Look at that guy’s fucking hat.

I am douche bag by default for reading this.

I would really prefer to buy cheese from some small shop, but there isn’t anything close to me. The Safeway is a piece of shit. God I really hate that store. But I don’t want to get into it right now. It’s too horrible for words. I’m not into their cheese selection, as I find it pretty pedestrian. DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT? DAMN YOU Steven Jenkins.

So, my only option is Whole Foods. I have to say, I don’t mind it that much. Last night, when I was there buying tortilla chips and some Mahon, not only were they offering wine samples, but they had a local artisan cheese maker there. He had a little table set up with some fresh goat cheese, goat brie, and a goat blue, which I have never seen before. The farm is called Firefly Farms and is located in Maryland.  Check it out here.

Don't you want these people and that goat to make your cheese?

I miss Wegmans more than anything, but I guess Whole Foods is ok for now.

-Kal

I have no idea what this flyer is all about, but at least you know that they have a Fall 2008 collection.

I was watching a Wall Street Journal video and discovered that there’s a Stussy in Adams Morgan, which opened April of this year. YAY!

1781 Florida Ave NW
Washington, DC 20009
(202) 265-1155
Get directions

–Mal